En Route to Performance: Perfection and Professionalism
Recently, I attended the Rebecca Pennys Piano Festival in Tampa, a three-week intensive program focusing solely on developing the skills and careers of pianists. The festival culminates in a student showcase concert where each student performs a short encore-style piece. My choice was Moments Musicaux No.4 by Sergei Rachmaninoff, a show-stopping, etude-style composition with relentless spirit.
I have given some solid performances in the festival prior to the student showcase concert, and I hoped this last performance could be a satisfying ending to my festival experience. The day prior to the performance, I played the piece during the scheduled lesson with Jose Mendez. Not to my total surprise, he pointed out some technique issues that I must fix in order to take my performance to the next level. We then worked together for an hour over several patterns in both hands. I was truly grateful for what he taught me which will allow me to be more free and confident in my future repertoire. At the same time, while I have understood the changes I had to make, I was not confident that I could integrate them overnight for the performance next day. I was also concerned that even if I had achieved a certain level of integration, the performance would not have been as perfect as I wanted to be. Oh “perfection”, what a stimulating but dangerous word for musicians.
After much deliberation, I sent Professor Pennys a text explaining why I felt a bit uncomfortable playing the next day and that I did not want to play. Meanwhile, some parts of heart seemed to anticipate a slight degree of regret if I did not participate in this final group performance. Coincidentally, I ran into Professor Pennys in the hallway at the same time I was texting her! She was very understanding of my situation but still commented in a serious tone, “what if you are going to play in the Carnegie Hall tomorrow? You just quit?” That really got me thinking, “Do I just quit my concert in Carnegie Hall? No one will ever invite me back.” Am I an artist who strives for perfection or an artist with no sense of professionalism?
I asked for another ten minutes to decide my future, a future so important at the moment but probably would not affect me much in another five years. My decision was not to quit and be professional. “Play like you did before the lesson”, Professor Pennys sent me a text. I refused to play like I did before the lesson knowing at least some degree of better sound, articulations, and fluidity could be achieved if I practiced with patience tonight. I then spent another four hours in the practice room at night. By the time I went to sleep, I was much calmer and hopeful. I still knew my performance was not going to be as great as it could be, but I felt stronger as a person.
The next day, I had to take an Uber to the venue because it was raining cats and dogs. The Uber driver started telling his story. He majored in criminal science and wanted to become a police officer. However, an accident happened and severely injured his one leg. “What about becoming a detective?” I suggested. “It is very difficult, and you need to have those police experience first,” said the driver, “hopefully I figure something out.” I felt his pain, his inner cry, his subdued urge to fight against his life that might explode if the passenger was not around. All are coincidentally similar to the spirit in the Rachmaninoff I was going to play. His difficulty was much heavier than mine, yet I felt like I could not live pass a few passage works. I was a bit embarrassed, ashamed, but then stimulated. I felt I was with him. He is fighting his own battle in life, and I was fighting my own battle to go on the stage. It’s a spirit that I need, and a spirit I need to play Rachmaninoff.
Not to my total surprise, there were passages that could use better integrated technique during my performance, but I was so happy that I did it. Despite my not so perfect technique, the performance generated quite an exciting response from the audience. I was very grateful.
“It is important to learn to be a professional……and part of that step is to realize that life is a compromise…… and no performance reaches perfection.” I received this precious text from Professor Pennys. Oh, I love that we are always learning about life through performances.